Why Does Everything Bad Make Me Feel So Good?

Lyrical genius and American asshole Kanye West said it best on the track Addiction. It's very easy to give in to addiction, but separating yourself from it can be the hardest thing to break.

Have yet to give myself a new years resolution this year that sounded logical and could be accomplished. 2012 was full of nights out, working late, and acting as if I was living a healthy lifestyle.

While it was fun to roam the world, meet new friends, and reconnect with my family - why is it I'm still not enjoying my life. Someone might say my serotonin levels are off and I might need to get that fixed, but what does a false sense of reality do but bring genetically produced happiness.

I find myself lashing out in the most extreme ways some days and be the happiest, gitty human being within a 10 mile radius on another. Doesn't help that I seem to be battling who I am in my tiny little noggin day in and day out. This seems to be a dirty little diary that people can read and see who I am when I'm not in front of them.

I think this year I want to finally learn how to be free. Legal issues dragged me down, stress at work can drive me crazy, but the act of knowing the unknown seems to be intriguing. Creating and defining my presence in a world full of KickStarters and web startups could let my true love for technology flourish.

The act of desperation to complete my education mixed with the carelessness and procrastination don't seem to go hand in hand. I've tried and given up only to try again. This vicious cycle can't be how deadbeats go on with their daily lives. And in no way do I wish to be one.

Well, I digress and leave the last words on this post. Maybe I'm not seeing the bigger picture here even though it seems like I just spelled it out after reading the post for review.


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