Trapped in freedom

The summer is going at light speed and I'm wondering what I'm accomplishing other than stressing out at work and going home to a weirdly quiet home. The darkness over me with the light of the LCD screen glowing away as I surf on the internet for hours. Looking at absolutely nothing but Apple blogs, porn, and the superficial items that I will never be able to buy because I'm paying off eight grand in debt.

My mind feels enclosed in all this rubbish of freedom and not caring about the way I live, but truly I feel like I'm imprisoned in my own life with happiness so far gone that I wonder if I can ever be happy again. Companionship or a relationship would be awesome, but I still have this idea in my head of finding someone intellectual, but at the same time awkwardly geeky.

Is it sad that I think if I were gone tomorrow that no one would actually care or that if I was missed it's not on a personal level, but economically.

So lost in this so called life. People that know me personally will probably read this in some kind of shock, but my silence can't be broken on the outside since I can't relate with anyone to share any of these thoughts.