Dark Comedy

Seems like the laughter comes and goes when your trying to figure yourself out on the worlds stage. The dancing, smiling, and charismatic jolly black guy with the articulate spoken word of the educated goes back to the dark depths of hell to relish the sunlight that was that day. Very difficult to take some people in to my mind when I'm not even ready to let myself admit some faults and secrets held within.
Mom keeps calling and wondering why I haven't called and when I will or is it the end. The days of loneliness at home while mom/dad went to work for hours to support the family, myself included, left times of uncertainty and growing up by learning from mistakes. I think my drive for money comes from my mom's drive to always be successful. I know that the love is there from both of them, but seems like I've lost that love since the pain endured in childhood is now reflective of my inability to sustain true relations.
The world has started to get to me with others seeking revenge on the good guys. The double take of who your friends are leaves me in a state of confusion. My heart drops and emotions run in all kinds of directions since I make things bigger than they actually are. I've shed to many tears to walk outside in front of a world that expects thick skin.
Going through the motions and wanting so badly to turn back the hands of time and choose a route that is worthy. Feels like I'm already dead and resurrection is bound to happen, but not in three days.

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